i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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