a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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