What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
