If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
