did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
