Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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