i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
