i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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