I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
