She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
