I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so let's talk penis.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
