things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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