I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
