Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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