she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
