Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
