I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
