I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
