it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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