I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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