Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
