only if we run a train.
done.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
