bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
