I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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