worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
