Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
