when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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