plz talk dirty to me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
