turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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