your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
