First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
