what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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