yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
