Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
