Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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