Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
