Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
someone owes me an orgasm
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
