i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
