I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
