'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
