I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
