shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
