My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
