The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
