You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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