i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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