just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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