We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
