I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
