omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
