hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
bring money and cleavage
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
