Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
