You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
