Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
