I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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