He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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