big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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