I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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