One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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