to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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