Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
