Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
