Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
