So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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