Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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