I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
