i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
