i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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