pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
