Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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