If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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