thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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