My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
