U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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