I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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