My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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