I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
