No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
