Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
